Conundrum...and other fun words
So, here I am...the end of 2010.
Did I reach all of my yearly goals? Yeah...NO, I did not.
Am I okay with that? I think so. Although, ask me again
at the end of 2011.
You know, from Thanksgiving through
New Year feels a bit like a glistening snowflake, dancing a beautiful
waltz from the sky, although in my world, it is often more like a
whirling, twisting, crashing blizzard, being viciously blown to and
fro, and with which there are only a few possible end results...
Maybe the sun hits this sparkling, winter's diamond, merely causing it to peacefully evaporate as if it had only been a beautiful dream. Perhaps it drifts gently down to earth where it brings loud groans from adults, but squeals of delight from playing children hoping for a day off from school and hopes of sledding through the sloping hills of their home.
And then sometimes, the snowflake splats right up against a windshield, only to be swiped away by the harsh rubber of a windshield wiper. As if the flake was nothing more than a mere nuisance that wasn't worth looking at. That is somewhat how I felt this holiday season. Where has 2010 disappeared? How is it possible that we are quickly approaching 201 and I can't even remember where most of this year has gone?
This is the time of year that most people, and I am no exception, take stock of the preceding year and to a greater extent, their lives. As I say often, LEAVE. YOUR. LIVESTOCK. ALONE! Yet, here I am, doing just that. Well, not the leaving it alone part, but counting those blasted cows. Looking back is often the best way to plan forward, but I can't help but feel a little melancholy. The end of the year is just that...an end. And for me, the new year brings about a birthday almost immediately...talk about another slap in the face!
In looking back, I realize how much I learned this year. just because you have a dream, does not necessarily mean you get to live it. Wait, let me rephrase that. You do not necessarily get to live it the way you envisioned. My goal this year was to start my dream career as a freelance writer. With the help of my good friend and mentor, Julie Durr, I got started. I signed up for several websites and away I went...writing all the time.
I also called Chanda Green, editor/owner of Heartland Women, and asked if I could write an article for her. She said yes, much to my shock, amazement, and fear, and after sending her my second article, she said it sounded more like a column. The rest, as they say, was history. She has even put up with my computer crash and need for editing.
I even got back to writing on my blog, which had been greatly neglected for months. I was writing like a crazy fool. I mean, I gave new meaning to "working your fingers tot he bone." I got up, took my kids to school and then came home to write. I'd write until lunch and grab a quick snack...often while still typing. Then, I would write, write, write until time to pick the girls up from school. While I waited in the school lot or at the dance studio, I would write on my laptop. Or flesh out articles with pen and paper (I know, how very old school). And, I would be planning other articles. I was a busy little girl.
Once home, I'd cook dinner, check emails, the stats on my online articles, check homework, talk to Hubs, take a little look-see at FaceBook, maybe pop over to the website to look at comments and check out those emails, maybe look at Twitter, then...we'd eat dinner. I'd spend time with the family. Hubs would leave for work, I'd tuck the girls in to bed, and you know what? I'd be writing again. Sometimes until the wee hours of the morning. Only to start all over again the next (same?) day.
And you know what? While I was really satisfied with my
output, I was also proud of the actual work itself. Further,
people were reading my articles. Yet, a lot of sites pay
pennies per page hit. That doesn't really add up to much
income. My blog brings in no income...wait, why is that?
Hello? Advertisers? Wait, I digress. So, no matter
how much I worked, I still wasn't achieving the commercial success I
longed for. I guess in my naive brain thought, if you work
hard, they will read. And if they read, a salary will follow.
So, what I finally realized is that just because you love something,
do it fairly well (at least in my mind), and try hard, doesn't mean
you can succeed immediately at your goals. Sometimes you have
to reevaluate and redesign your dream.
So, that is exactly
what I am doing at the end of this year. Well, right now, I
guess. I am a professional writer in that I have earned some
money doing what I love, and more importantly, I am published (I have
some poetry being published locally, too). I still dream of
being a self-supporting writer. But, if it doesn't happen, I
can still be satisfied knowing that I am writing. And that I
will continue to write. And I will continue pursuing writing
jobs.
The biggest thing I wish to achieve is showing my daughters that it is okay to chase your dreams...no matter your age. If you fail? Well, you pick yourself up and continue fighting for what you want. What they can learn is that I am a strong (sometimes), educated, independent woman who isn't afraid to fail (singing group, CD sales), but more importantly, isn't afraid to try (CD, singing group, WRITING), so I have already succeeded!
I guess 2010 has been a great year. And you know what else? I feel very strongly that 2011 is going to be even better. I feel a new motivation to write my blog, my column, online articles...and, my Aunt Tracy and I have decided to write a She Said/She Said blog. How fun will that be? We plan it to be snarky, fun, thought provoking...and interesting. Further, the 16,000 words that I have towards my novel? Well, I believe that I can add another 40,000 and have a book to shop around. Not too shabby! The children's series that I have finished? Yep, why not give it a try. If no one wants it...well, at least I gave it a shot. And the book I want to write about my late daughter? Well, isn't it about time I write it? You betcha!
So, forget the whole, "leave your livestock alone," I say...check hem out. Count them one by one. And realize that success isn't a number or some award. It is about knowing everything we do makes us who we are. We can be satisfied in knowing that we are strong (sometimes), independent women who take charge of our lives. We know we are successful in all that we do! We don't need anyone to tell us that!
Happy New Year everyone. Good luck and best wishes in
the new year.
Let's take charge in 2011!
Toby: I wish I had your positivity. I really do. (12/27/10)
Shaj: Nice... I have read most of your articles and i like them all.. i like how you spill your words to create give everyone a fresh perspective... Anyways... i wish you all the happiness in the world.. forever.. take care sis.. love shaj oops i almost forgot... wish you a very happy new year.. say hi to all (12/28/10)
Shaji: I like the way to weave your words into a beautiful world of something more in life.. in believing there is something good happening all around us.. I have read many of your blogs and i must tell you .. AM PROUD OF YOU SIS.. a true fan.. !!!! I wish you all the happiness in the world for ever.. ** WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR** give my regards to all.. love shaj (12/28/10)
Lesa Spencer Shelton: I love this! Your writing itself is beautiful; and the sentiment...perfect. (12/29/10)