Burqua's...wear one with me...Please?!?!
I have a couple things to snark on. First, do people not look in the mirror before leaving the house? I mean, come on ladies...just because they sell it in your size does not, I REPEAT, DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO BUY IT!
I'm all about self-esteem and being okay with what God (and Godiva Chocolate) gave you, but seriously...no one...and again, I repeat, NO ONE wants to see your wobbly bits or your see you next Tuesday (as Charlotte from "Sex and The City" so delicately put it). And yes, I know that some of you are now trying to figure that one out.
Let's start with a couple months (or so) ago when the girlie-q's, my folks, and I went to Walmart after mass and dinner. As I was checking out, the fam was sitting on the bench across from my cash register (no, I don't really own it). I look up and see four young girls (I don't know, from 16-24, not sure) dressed like hookers. And not high prices ones, I'm talking your bottom of the barrel, skanky, two dollar hookers. Maybe even just a buck and a quarter worth.
They were decked out in skirts that barely covered their butts, low cut fronts, come do me heels...big hair and lots of makeup. My parents AND girls were cracking up laughing. I'm not sure if it was just at the girls or at the look on my face...which apparently looked horrified. And the saddest thing is that my only thought was, "those are someone's daughters."
So, we all spent the better part of an hour (and still reminisce on occasion) laughing, making fun of (I know, bad, bad, bad), and discussing these girls. First, we decided that surely they all got dressed at the one house where there was no adult supervision...or else they were blind and senile, second, the fat one...well, her friends should be ashamed of themselves for letting her out like that. Sure she made them look better, but good grief...I know more about her parts than I do my own!
Let's move on to today. I saw a woman in stirrup pants (weren't those outlawed in something like the 80's?) and a horizontally striped shirt that kept rolling up and showing off the Sharpei puppy she had apparently strapped around her midsection before leaving the house. She bent over and holy canolies, I could see her harlot red thong and several butts. Again...look...at...the...mirror! Please, so we don't all go blind from the atrocities.
Before you go on some rampage about my political incorrectness and hate mongering fatcism (hey, that's my word, if it's racism, would it not be fatcism?), don't. I have more than a few lumps and bumps, crows feet, and grew hairs. BUT, I do not put them on public display. Well, I don't wear a Burqua, so I guess you can still see my grey hair and laugh lines, but I certainly cover up all of my wobbly bits. Why? Am I insecure? Well, that's a whole other blog, but simply put, I do not want to creep someone out with all of the "possible" I could show. It's simply being polite for the rest of the world.
So, please, women, take a good look at yourself. If you question at all if the outfit looks good...it probably doesn't. Take it off immediately. Step away from the Twix bar and join a gym...or at the very least, buy some size appropriate clothes.
And men, trust me when I say this. No matter how buff you are, a Speedo is never a good choice...repeat...NEVER A GOOD CHOICE! Please, grab some surfer-dude shorts and I can guarantee everyone will be thrilled.
You know, I am now to traumatized from reliving these memories to even go on to my other complaints. I will cover that tomorrow, unless I am too tired from the night terrors these visions may bring about!
I'm just saying...
Stylish Burqua photo by unknown photographer
Sarah: Too funny! And yes, the poor girls at Wal-Mart, must not have had a parent around when they got ready...... However, if I had a cute little body I might wear a bikini year round!! LOL (01/05/11)
Donellen: Well you're cracking me up! Having just come from the land of burquas, I can tell you those can be pretty sexy, LOL. And you will have to ask Sarah about the speedos. hilarious! (01/05/11)
Sharon: Nudity is way better than Speedos. Nasty ugly looking apparel or maybe it is just because they are usually on 80 year olds. The girls were funny but your look was hilarious. (01/06/11)